Innocence of the Heart

Isn't it funny the things you take for granted or rarely even notice when they are happening to you? I've got a cute little love story to tell and well I must warn you; it may be a bit mushy as well.

At the end of last year, I had been all set to graduate from college and rid myself of a horrific history teacher. I say horrific, because this teacher not only killed my love of writing but my love of history as well. However, getting to know her as a person I know that she is a good person if not a bit bitter and not aware of the policies and other going ons at my college campus.

Putting that aside, the class itself isn't the real subject of this blog. Sitting a couple of chairs behind me in this class was a fellow classmate who would turn out to be the love of my life. We had spent close to five months just attending classes and passing each other as we got to our seats and left each day. That is until one day when I decided to muster up the courage to ask one of my classmates; one who I hadn't talked to before (come on people, we all have had those experiences where you really don't think much good can come from talking to complete strangers). Anyways, I really needed to know when a certain assignment was due and took a deep breath as I turned around to ask the closest person for the information.

One thing led to another and a couple of jokes later, we eventually began to talk to each other more. Now if you ask my boyfriend, he'll say he's not much of a talker but I've observed him and found that not to be the case. I'll say a little shy and when I say a little, I mean a little. Anyhow, after a few more class periods together, we decided to meet for lunch at the campus pizzaria; more like he asked me out to lunch. From there, we discovered that we both had many of the same interests and that the other was quite funny as well as charming.

About a week or the day before I was to graduate, we were chatting as usual on campus when he slowly told me this one question that I will never forget: 'I know that you've thought about you and that you've thought about me, but would you ever consider thinking about us?' Now forgive me for I know it seems like a corny line to some, but at the time I was in a complete daze with everything happening to me so fast and well, I wasn't even sure I heard what I was hearing correctly. I did think that what I perceived him to be saying was cute as hell, but I never thought any guys would even look at me much less give me the time of day. A couple more get togethers and a few awkward emails later I decided I needed to know for sure if he was asking me to be his girlfriend. He confirmed my suspicions and well let's just say I was excited and panicked at the same time.

Frankly, our relationship started out very rocky, but has grown quite a bit. And while I may have given him a lot of heart ache, I wouldn't change anything. Being uncertain is natural but if you give each other time to figure things out, you may be surprised what blooms. I've had a couple of relationships in the past; none that I ever care to repeat and have been hurt by several guys. Let's put it this way; I was the nerdy girl in high school and in town that all the popular kids had to make fun of just to get their jollies... It was actually a bit more unsafe with some of the town's people because of rumors that get out of high school campuses and spread. I've even had guys who didn't even know me scribble out my year book picture in the yearbook of a guy who I thought was cute..... This told me a little more about how the guys at school thought of me. So I went on to college and didn't chase after any sort of social relationship or get together whatsoever. My goal was just to graduate and make money so I could rub it in my old classmates faces....

So, you can probably tell that I hold a bit of hostility towards people in my past, but back to the point of this blog....

I've been so blessed with the guy that I am dating now and plan to marry I might add (Yes, he's asked me ^^) that I can't help but speak out about him. Every time we go out, he refuses to let me pay for anything if he can help it. He brings me flowers from time to time, if not through prodding from me (What can I say, I like getting gifts). Each and every date we go on, we always do what I want to do and he's fine with that although, according to him we always do what he wants to do. Mostly we just really enjoy each others' company and that's the most important part I'd say. Now here's the thing; each and every day before I graduated, we ate lunch together and talked and one of us would cook or rather fix lunch for the other. And in all this time, we had never kissed. We actually had our first real kiss on Valentine's Day of this year and I will never forget it nor was I dissapointed in the least. We were also so cautious about using the word 'love' as well. I believe his terms were that he didn't want to say it unless he was absolutely sure he was in love; because of past experiences I'm sure...

So one day, he meets me at the parking lot where we eventually began to always park side by side and tells me that he's fallen in love with me. This is where it gets a little sad folks. I didn't say it right back; because I wasn't really sure at the time what love felt like due to a rough past. He was incredibly patient with me and I actually took a little time to think things over and when I realized that I really enjoyed his company and missed him deeply when he wasn't around.....not to mention the physical attraction, well I realized that I actually was in love with him and no I'm not a ditzy girl that's only basing this realization on what I've mentioned, but there's just so much that it's too hard to explain it all. Basically, I was in complete shock as to how someone could actually get settled so deep into my heart without my noticing hence the title of this blog/post. I just needed to say this: to all you girls who think that all those mushy couples are a joke and that no guys are actually looking..... I used to be that way, but maybe just maybe if you give people a chance, they may surprise you. My only regret is that I didn't talk to him sooner and now I have dreams of the great future full of potential that lies before us.